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Friday, January 28, 2011

Wings to Fly Over Oceans, Hearts, and Regrets

Here is another stream of consciousness. I have to correct myself regarding the stream of consciousness concept. William James, a psychologist, is the one that gets the credit but it is eastern philosophy where its roots stem from.

I sit here reflecting on a moment past…oceans I’ve crossed in search of redemption, river of tears that I bathed in, kisses that I’ve stolen, hearts that I put on cardiac arrest, proposals of love that I denied my soul, revelations from sips of coffee, catching dissolving snowflakes of hope on the tip of my tongue. Remembering the hour spent in a confinement getting high on love. Drunkening the soul at smoky and horny waterholes only to walk out alone. Moments with faces brightened and overexposed by the gleaming sun are the ones that I reflect about mostly. The hint of smile, words spoken inspirationally from their lips, and the inevitable of what was once. This mental time travel in my sometimes-bewildered conscious state creates this emptiness within the sense of self. How I would like to grow wings and fly into spatial time to change or even make peace. Our abilities to re-experience events that are stagnant at a precise moment in time can be difficult to confront. The overwhelming emotions that wildly hit you like howling winds. Why do we find ourselves sitting back at that coffee shop? We say we have absolutely NO regrets of what has passed and that it will only make us better but without regret can we ever learn from our unlikely desired choices and be become better people? I think the acceptance that we feel like we made mistakes and regret what we’ve done is the road to the true reflection of who you should be and who you are.

Take a walk through past moments and past thoughts
We sometimes find ourselves at a bitter end
(San Diego, CA)

Looking and Dreaming in LA LA L.A.
(Armani Exchange white summer dress, ray-ban sunglasses, buddha prayer beads,
silver rosary,diamond watch)

 (Man in Red Turban)

(Jewelry photoshoot)

 (My melancholy corner)

(Photo shoot with Joe Ruesing) 

(My haven on earth)

(Proof that I am or at least I was once an angel)

(Mauna Kea Sunset) 

 (The pure and simple things that brightened my mood)

(Cleanliness is close to Godliness) 

(Me in my aunt's vintage dress)

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